It occurred to me today that I am out of shape. I don't mean I am 500 pounds but I definitely cannot handle chasing after the ice cream man for my triple scoop chocolate cookie dough ice cream cone without taking a few breathers. How did this happen to an all star high school athlete? College. That's what happened. I met boys, new friends, and in particular, alcohol. Alcohol and I became close when I turned 19. He became a close associate of mine that I regretted, but just like a bad one night stand that keeps repeating itself, I returned again and again. Therefore, alcohol has predetermined the kind of athlete I am. You think I don't do exercises? Let me give you a break down of an exercise routine for me:
Beer weighs about 16 to 20 oz. Every time I lift that to my lips I am doing arm curls.
When I lay down on the bar and then sit up to do a shot between my legs, I am doing crunches.
When I chase after the bartender because I need another drink, I just completed another rep in short distance running.
And then when I run after my car because it is being towed away, I am practicing my endurance.
All kidding aside, I didn't drink and drive tonight because I value my life outside of the slammer. I want to lose weight but I would rather do it in a safe environment instead of one where I feel like the water is unsanitary. Is there a pun to this unfunny story? No, I am drunk, all of this is funny to me.
Final Words: Taking your best friend motorcycle shopping is only acceptable when the salesman is good looking...check.
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