The Pedicure

Being a girl I indulge in luxury items like fake nails and pedicures. There is nothing quite like paying to get your toes picked at and being amazed at all the fuzzies you can hide in the cracks of your nail beds. Today I decided it was time to return to this glorious festivity and as I entered the salon I sighed with relief that it was practically empty. No five year old screaming at her mom that she wanted purple GLITTER toes not green and pink flowers; No 35 year old single woman who decided to focus on her career instead of popping out 8 babies screaming into her cell phone at her mother who wishes her daughter would find a "nice man" (not because she wants grandkids as much as she wants her daughter to stop bitching at HER.) Ahhh life would be good and quiet today at the salon. Fear not lovely readers, I have good news for you: this relaxing spa day was not to be. The two girls that were there decided to put on a spin off show from Alice in Wonderland featuring Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb. Dee was 20 years old and Dumb was 18. Both worked at an Italian restaurant as servers and Dee also was a licensed hairdresser. Dumb was telling Dee all about her latest boyfriend.

Dumb: Besides his pot smoking, he is the most perfect boyfriend ever.
Dee: Does he take you out?
Silence. (ahh 5 seconds of bliss!)
Dumb: Well no...but he just gets me ya know? He just listens to me and tells me I am pretty. I don't care if he spends money on me, ya know?
Dee: Silence. Oh.
Some worthless chatter ensues, but wait pot smoking loser boyfriend reappears!
Dumb: When he is high he pays so much attention to me. He tells me he loves me all the time and how pretty I am. He always wants to kiss me. He is exactly how I want him to be but I can't tell him that ya know?
Dee: Yeah probably not.

Apparently a pothead IS a good boyfriend to have. If only I had known that...Needless to say the talking never ceased except when Dee couldn't comprehend her friends' obsession with a boy that does NOT spend money on her. When they left the ringing in my ears prevented me from having to listen to any other useless chatter the rest of the day so maybe there was an upside.
Last Words: I can do most of my own plumbing in the bathroom and kitchen. I can haul Christmas trees by myself. I will do all the cleaning in my house and I know how to detail a car. But don't fucking ask me to kill a scorpion. There are lots of men in this world, they must be useful for something.