The Library

The last time I checked the library was supposed to be a place with books where craggy old women with their hair in a bun whispered SHHHH! when you coughed after catching wind of her White Diamonds perfume. (For those of you who are too young for my references, this is a popular perfume sponsored by Elizabeth Taylor. Google her, it will make sense and be funny I promise). In movies, such as Legally Blonde, students gathered together in groups and whispered about Plato and other law bull shit while being outfitted in their Harvard gear. At ASU, the scene is similar but much more befitting of the Arizona lifestyle. Hoards of students gather to talk about how hot they are and how soon they can start wearing bikinis to class. Instead of ASU gear, girls wear Victoria's Secret, the official sponsor for university whores and whore-wanna be's everywhere. (You know what I am talking about too, it is one thing to dash out the house in sweatpants because you overslept, it's a whole other level when their hair is curled and make-up done but are still wearing sweatpants but because it is VS, it is acceptable. Whatever, you still look like trash.) Whispers of Plato? How about shouts about where the next Frat party is being hosted. Yes, please, this is the atmosphere I was looking for when I decided to study about the Holocaust. People were murdered by the millions in a torturous, inhumane way, but hey! I would much rather listen to how your friend humped a dog last night. I can also take my mind off it by looking at the girl's computer next to me. Whoa, I missed another naked night of beer pong apparently. I am no Elle Woods, but IT IS A LIBRARY. Why are you meeting here to look up funny youTube videos and hang out with friends? It is called a Starbucks. They are located on every corner and allow you to be obnoxious as you want (unless you go to one with all the hip underage smoker kids who are just like, so beyond their years man). The best are the people who sit at the computers than talk on their cell phones for two hours, aimlessly clicking, pretending like they came here to work. Either you are trying to fool your parents or your latest significant other is only good for sex and being with them before bed time is similar to the way I feel about your existence invading my study time.
The greatest part about my library experience? I have to park in a structure that I pay for because it is the closest to the library, which is still a good 1/3 of a mile away. Not far, but when you charge me $12 to park there, I am pretty sure that I deserve an escort service and a fresh baked chocolate chip cookie. Economic recovery fee you say? (This is a new $400 add on to tuition for every semester in case you didn't know) Where the hell is all that parking money going? What maintenance does a concrete building need? Last time I checked we were located in Tempe, I don't need a 65 year old, over weight man riding around on his golf cart all day "protecting" my car. What are you going to do if you catch someone anyway? Rev that engine up to 3 mph? My Grandma can outrun that with her broken hip. Next time ASU needs some financial advising, maybe they should just ask me instead of sending me a "survey" about how I feel about the rising tuition costs. Wait, where's the opting for FUCKING BULL SHIT?
Final Words: These new frozen yogurt places are awesome. Fat free yogurt with multiple flavors-how healthy! I am assuming the fact that the toppings aren't labeled with nutrition facts means I can eat as much of that too as I want. Fat Americans, making excuses to sue others for making us fat, now that's food for thought.