The Editor

I like to write. Blog style that is. Translation: fuck commas and using "40" instead of "forty." I distinctly remember in 8th grade when we did the grammar packets. As you passed each one, it moved on to a different section of grammar. So first it was spelling, then like words (to, too, two), then commas, etc. If you didn't pass the packet you had to stay behind and work on extra packets in that area till you passed. Two weeks later I am still pondering the "use a comma when you need to take a breath" rule (which by the way, people take breaths at different spots when they talk), while my classmates moved on to Romeo and Juliet (I missed the naked butt in the movie for commas!). That is why I have friends like Amanda who completely dashed all hopes of me believing I am actually competent when it comes to the English language (aside from commas naturally). After marking up my resume with so much ink I wasn't sure if the original text ever existed, I realized I needed a lot of help when it came to sounding professional. Apparently "type like a motha fucka" is not appealing to future employers. I blame this mainly on the fact that every job I have had has required me to walk in the door...and well, start working. I am pretty sure when I handed my bosses my resume, they just tossed it to the side and asked me if I could work weekends and drive my own car. Thanks for preparing me for my future interviews and life in general guys.
Now, I have basically a new resume to rewrite. This is why I hate "real" writing. Have you ever heard the phrase "hit it and quit it"? I like to apply that philosophy to my papers. Once I've done it, I don't want to think about it anymore. So drafts, second drafts, final drafts, final papers have no meaning to me. Is it because I don't like to criticize my own work as much as I do others? Heck yeah. Hand me Billy's second grade report on his summer break and I'll rip that piece of garbage to shreds. Professor Tom wants me to look at his thesis? I may not know the words but I'll red ink the shit out of his philosophy on why zippers are more effective than buttons (and they are). Basically editing makes me feel good because I lack effective ways of transmitting my own ideas so I chose to destroy others. I do what I can to keep people in check.
Last Words: If you go to lunch with one of your lesser intelligent friends, do everyone a favor and sit in a corner, far, far away from those of us that have fully functioning brains. It is hard for me to enjoy my wine when Bimbo Barbie wants to know all about Happy Hour because heaven forbid she actually spare the last two brain cells she has. However I got a second glass of wine for free so maybe the karma of me not stabbing her with my chopsticks paid off.