There were days, okay weeks and months, where I begged God to release me from school and send me into the work force permanently. I was positive that my talents of cramming an 8 page paper in two hours would be better spent asking servers to run hot food and not dwell on the 10% tip they just got. I was a grade A, index finger with the thumb forming a capital L on the forehead, fool.
Really when I stopped going to school, I signed on to be a professional babysitter. It's not that I don't love each one of my "kids," but just like real kids, they drive me insane. "Kristin, can you take the salad off Table 41, he actually wanted soup...," "Kristin, my table 51 says it is too hot in here...," "Kristin I rang in the wrong steak, what do I do?" Never have I heard my name said so much in a couple minutes span. Well, if I did it wasn't in a public place and there wasn't 6 different people saying it. The best part is that now I control their schedules as well. Preparing this would be easier if I wasn't concerned with when they deserve some time for milk and cookies and maybe a nap or two. My favorites are the, "I need this day off because...," "I can't work Saturdays because...," "I changed my school schedule (for the 4th time), will it be changed for next week?"
Hey I changed my school schedule too. I stopped going so I could make your life hell. That's right, I am forsaking my education to ensure that you get scheduled on days you need off and making sure you work 4 doubles in a row to make up for it. In all reality I spend a few hours on my day OFF to make 36 people "happy." Then I get calls from my boss because I fucked something up. Probably because you changed your schedule 1/2 way through last week or you told me you could work this night, etc. You make me look like an idiot, I make him look like an idiot, which makes him more mad. But when I see you tomorrow, I will smile, ask you how your school day was and probably pull some candy out of my pocket and pat you on the head. In return, I will be shunned by my boss, loaded up with disappointment, and pop another Xanax. You didn't think that smile was all on my own did you?
Final Words: I need a hair cut, the ends are dieing again.
